Repeat Offenders
Good Medicine
Karen Miles, April 2001
“Why does this always happen to me?”
If this sounds familiar – you need a new approach
to life, and need to seriously consider changing
your behavior patterns. Karen Miles tells us how.
Why do we continually go over the limit on our credit cards, splurge on chocolate after we swear that this time we’re going to stick to our diet, and always get overlooked for a job promotion, only to complain that we’re not getting ahead? Understanding why we repeat the same old mistakes is often the first step towards a shiny new you.
The Same Old Argument
When you’re having an argument, do you suddenly feel as if you had this same annoying fight with your last boyfriend and had the same awful feelings you have now?
Futile arguments can resurface because of the flabbergasting attempts we make to change the person we’re arguing with. We even possess Superman-type strength to repeatedly explain how our opinion is right.
“When someone speaks, we often don’t listen to what they say,” says Dr David Miles, Landmark Forum Leader for Landmark Education’s Sydney office. “Instead, we listen to our own opinion about what’s being said, and then react accordingly. We forget our point of view is just one point of view, and is not necessarily the right one.”
Dr Miles, who runs courses that examine patterns of behaviour to see what works and what doesn’t work to help people take charge of their lives, explains that by identifying those patterns of behaviour that don’t work, you have the freedom to invent some that will.
The next time you find yourself stuck in that same old argument, notice what it is that you’re reacting to and then let the other person know. Honesty takes the fire out of an argument and allows both of you to talk rather than react. And instead of trying to be right about your point of view, ask yourself “What could make a difference for the relationship?” You’ll shift from being consumed with your own viewpoint to considering the other person’s.
For more information about Landmark Education courses, visit the website at www.landmarkeducation.com