WATD 95.9 FM (New Jersey, USA)David Cunningham talks about how to Recession proof your relationship.February 12, 2010Rob Hakala: Christine, thank you so much. Good morning everybody. We are cruising through a Friday morning gearing up for Valentine’s Day. It is this Sunday. And in this segment David Cunningham’s on the line with us this morning, he is a communication expert and senior seminar leader for Landmark Education. And he’s here today to discuss recession proofing your relationship this Valentine’s Day.David, good morning.David Cunningham: Good morning.Rob Hakala: Welcome to the broadcast. Good to have you here.Dani Lynn: Hey, David.David Cunningham: Hey, thank you. Good morning. Dani Lynn: So yeah, so tell us what this is all about when it comes to Valentine’s Day, what – what does this all mean about recession proofing your relationship?David Cunningham: Well, one percent of the quality of our life comes from the facts about our life. And 99 percent comes from what we add to those facts. And so, when people have any tough financial times, especially around holidays, like Valentine’s Day –Dani Lynn: Mm-hm.David Cunningham: – that to be able to really separate the facts about what you’re dealing with, with your money, from what you add to those facts, let’s you really enjoy Valentine’s Day, versus your financial troubles coming between you. Dani Lynn: Okay. So – so, tell me what you mean by add – what we add to our financial problems. What does that mean?David Cunningham: Well, for instance, if you have – there’s certain facts, like our income use to be this, now our income is that. Or, our 401k went down by this amount of money. What we add to that are things like, “Wow, we’re not good with money.” Or, “Wow, we can’t enjoy ourselves now.” And when something like Valentine’s Day comes people add, “Wow, we can’t be romantic on Valentine’s Day, because we don’t have the money.” And that’s what you add to the facts –Dani Lynn: Oh.David Cunningham: – versus the facts themselves.Dani Lynn: Okay. That makes sense. So basically separating fact – fact from what we think we’re adding to the emotional connection to it, because there’s a distinction there?David Cunningham: That’s right. And it’s a simple exercise people can do that we’ve seen with thousands of people in our Landmark seminars, which is if you just sit down as a couple, and do three simple things. Number one, on a piece of paper write down the facts. On a separate piece of paper write down what you add to those facts. So, on the paper that says facts, here’s the amount of cash we have. On the other piece – piece of paper you write what you add to that. Like, “Oh, we’re not good parents because we can’t really give our kids what they want.”Dani Lynn: Mm-hm.David Cunningham: And what you’ll see is that it’s what you add to the facts that pulls you apart. Then the third thing couples can do, is come up with something, create a project they can work on together. Because when you have something you can work on together it always pulls you – it always pulls you together. So for Valentine’s Day –Rob Hakala: Yeah.David Cunningham: – people could cook dinner together, or you know, create a – create a really romantic night together that doesn’t cost any money.Rob Hakala: Yeah. And then there are a lot of creative ways to do things when times are tough. And you’re right, yeah, we were talking to a relationship expert just the other day, and he was talking about you don’t have to go out and spend a lot of money on the flowers. Dani Lynn: Mm-hm.Rob Hakala: Sometimes women will like the creative touches as well. David Cunningham: Exactly. And you know what’s one of the best things people can do on Valentine’s Day, is just take time, sit down and acknowledge each other. Thank each other. Thank each other for the simple things. It’s surprising, spend five minutes acknowledging each other, thanking each other, and you’ll be surprised how close you come. Dani Lynn: That’s really interesting. And I think that that’s great. I mean, and you being a communication expert, would you say when it comes to relationship straining is that like the number one factor, is the breakdown of communication or?David Cunningham: It is. And the number one fact – what causes that breakdown in communication again, is when people add something to the – they make up a story, add something to what they’re actually dealing with. Dani Lynn: Mm-hm.David Cunningham: And when you come up with something you can work on together. So again, clarifying the facts, you know, clarifying what you add to those facts, and then create a project you can work on together. Again, no matter what financial times you’re having. It’d be really great, wouldn’t it; if we could pull together versus have the – the finances come between us. And that’s what that allows for. Rob Hakala: That’s great.Dani Lynn: Yeah.Rob Hakala: It’s like, you know, we think of jewelry the three C’s. What is about, we’ve got clarify, create and communicate, that’s pretty good instead of jewelry we’ve got –Dani Lynn: Oh, neat.Rob Hakala: Yeah, what do you think?David Cunningham: That’s great.Rob Hakala: David’s like, hey what are you doing.David Cunningham: That’s really great. And the more we’re in communication, and you know, the more that we stay a team. It’s really important that we stay a team. And sometimes we just make up that one of isn’t really supporting the other, or you know, we make up, we add to the facts that, you know, we can’t – we can’t really be in open communication because we have something to be embarrassed about. You know –Dani Lynn: Got you.David Cunningham: - there’s nothing to be embarrassed about if you’re having financial hard times. It’s a good time to pull together.Dani Lynn: Oh, great. Well those are some good words of wisdom, David. I really appreciate you coming on the show for us, and reminding us about the little things that separate fact from fiction, and work together.Rob Hakala: David Cunningham –David Cunningham: Thank you.Rob Hakala: – thank you so much. Happy Valentine’s Day. David Cunningham: Bye-bye.Rob Hakala: That’s David Cunningham and he’s a communications expert and senior seminar leader for Landmark Education. Thank you so much.
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