Good Hope FM transcript

Good Hope FM
David Cunningham talks about how to realize your potential and not get weighted down by diffficult circumstances.
June 7, 2010

Transcript 1 of 2:

   
Nigel Pierce:   This is Good Hope FM with Nigel Pierce, Monday morning. We’re talking to David Cunningham, communications expert and leader for Landmark Education. David, good morning and welcome to the show.
 
David Cunningham:   Thank you very much, Nigel. Good morning.
Nigel Pierce:   How do kids or adults realize their potential in a world that’s riddled with a lot of negativity?
David Cunningham:   Well, the first thing that’s very important, Nigel, is for people to be able to separate out what actually has happened in their life from what they’ve made up about what happens – what they’ve added to what happened in their life – because the one thing that holds people back is what they’ve added to it. So, for instance, if somebody fails in school, that’s one thing, but then, they add that they’re stupid. That’s a whole ‘nother matter. To be able to really separate out what literally happened from what you’ve added to it and get that what you added to it just isn’t true. That takes away the barriers that is the primary barrier in people’s effectiveness in life.
Nigel Pierce:   There are a lot of people who’ve failed at school, failed at university, and they’ve failed to pick themselves up. How do they do that?
David Cunningham:   Well, the first thing that people have to do is be willing to say that no matter what the past, the past does not determine the future so that there really is—anything and everything is possible, and it takes courage for somebody to keep saying anything’s possible. Ya know, Nigel, sometimes it’s easier to say, “Oh, that’s impossible.” If I go, “Okay. Starting my own business, that’s impossible. Getting along with my parents, that’s impossible,” then, nobody expects us to do anything about it. But the courage to simply go, “Okay. Starting my own business, possible,” or, “Getting along with my parents, possible,” that very first act of being willing to say it’s possible is—opens the door and starts somebody being in action.
Nigel Pierce:   This is Good Hope FM with Nigel Pierce. David Cunningham, communications expert and leader for Landmark Education. How do people get past the blame game for their lack of progress in life? We blame our parents. We blame our teachers. We blame our wives, our husbands, partners.
David Cunningham:   The most important thing is for people to ask that question that’s a very new question, which is, “Who have I been being,” or, “Who have I become as a human being,” and you’ll see that, literally, 99 percent of what we are able to do in our lives and our performance in life is impacted by who we actually are being. There’s ways of being, like being generous, being creative, being outgoing, being forgiving, and it’s the ways that we’re being as human beings that set the stage for all of our performance. So, it’s an important thing to examine. Who have I been being? When you examine that question, blame of another person just, literally, isn’t relevant. It just doesn’t make sense.
Nigel Pierce:   Why do some people always land on their feet?
David Cunningham:   I don’t know, Nigel. In terms of—if anybody always lands on their feet, I think that what happens—in my experience with people in our Landmark programs, for instance, I think what happens for people is there’s a capacity to not get dragged down by the circumstances of life. If the circumstances can be the circumstances, and you know that the circumstances don’t determine who you are and what’s possible for you, then the circumstances don’t get ya no matter what.

I’ve got a good example of that if ya want one with my own mom. My mom and my step dad were married, Nigel, for 30 years. They had a beautiful marriage, and in the last six years of my step dad’s life he forgot who my mom was. He had dementia and forgot who my mom was, and in those six years, if you watched my mom, while those were terrible circumstances, my mom—the quality of her life wasn’t given by those circumstances ‘cause she was clear about one thing – who she was gonna be as a human being. And given she was so clear about that, the circumstances aren’t what governed her, and she was able to have love and joy in her marriage no—even with—after her husband forgot who she was.
Nigel Pierce:   So, you have gotta tell yourself as a human being, “I’m gonna be a doctor.” “I’m going to open up my own business.” “I’m gonna make this marriage work.” “I am going to be a better person, a more loving person.”
David Cunningham:   Nigel, it’s not quite positive thinking like that. It is more in the domain of possibility. One thing is to say that it’s possible, and then, another thing is to really be able to get a view of situations where the circumstances don’t weigh you down. And, again, it’s for people to get that, literally, 1 percent of the quality of our life is given by what happens, and 99 percent of the quality of our life and what impacts us is given by what we add to what happens. And for people to do that very simple but straightforward exercise—sometimes I have people take out a piece of paper. What literally happened to you? Good. And that’s usually one or two things. What did you add to that? “I’m a failure.” “I’m not successful enough.” “People don’t like me.” “People won’t give me a chance.” And what people add is usually much longer than what actually happened, and when people can separate that out and, again, deal with simply what’s happened in their life, they’re very effective.
Nigel Pierce:   So, in other words, once you’ve failed or you’ve landed in prison, end it there, and move on.
David Cunningham:   Yes. I know it sounds a little bit oversimplified, but it actually is very accurate. It’s called being complete with the past. When a human being is complete with the past, their future’s free. So, it’s important always to be complete with the past. What happened happened. What didn’t didn’t. It’s complete, and then, you still have your freedom and your choice and your power as a human being for the future.

Transcript 2 of 2:

Nigel Pierce:   This is Good Hope FM with Nigel Pierce. David Cunningham, communications expert, leader for Landmark Education. How do human being overcome fear, and that fear often holds us back?
David Cunningham:   The fear, Nigel, is—it’s one thing to have fear, and it’s another thing to be stopped by it. So, when people get that their fear is a natural part of being human—in other words, I don’t know, really, the human being that doesn’t have fear. I do know courageous people. So, what courage is is not the absence of fear. What courage is is when people are in action while they’re afraid.

So, again, I don’t know a lotta fearless people, but I do know a lotta courageous people – people who are willing to be in action while they’re afraid. And that takes just acknowledging that fear is a natural part of being human. It’s not something to be ashamed of, and it’s not something you have to overcome. It’s something that you acknowledge, “Yeah. I’m afraid,” and take action.
Nigel Pierce:   How do we clear the path to receive abundance? Lot of people want the fancy house, the fancy car, the fancy university. Is it a good thing to be chasing all the time?
David Cunningham:   It’s a good thing to have big goals and have a vision for one’s life – something that one is up to. If you don’t have a future that you are causing for yourself, then you’re not called into action. It really is the future we see for ourselves that literally pulls us up or pulls us down. If you love the future you see for yourself, it gives you life right now. If you don’t love the future you see for yourself, it pulls you down right now. So, to be able to create a vision for one’s future is very, very important.
Nigel Pierce:   And where do you write that? Where do you put that? Do you store it in your head? Do you write it in your diary? Do you tell people about it?
David Cunningham:   Oh. Very important is to tell people about it – share about it. The more you share about it with others, the more real it becomes, and, besides, you’ll find that other people get behind you on it so that the more you share it with people, other people will want it for you. You’ll find that you have—people will make connections for you. You’ll find that other people have ideas that you didn’t have.

So, a lotta times when we come up with a—something that we’re committed to, we’re either afraid to share about it, or we’re embarrassed to share about it for fear of what people will think. Really important that we share about it with other people so, (a) they can get behind us, and (b) they’ll have resources we never even thought of.
Nigel Pierce:   A lotta people have a vision within the Cape Town context and probably the world over, David, where their vision is to do drugs, to become a gangster, to land up in prison. That’s, for some people, is actually an achievement. It’s a goal.
David Cunningham:   There’s got to be something for people to see some opportunity for themselves to be productive – to make a contribution. It’s when we can see we can make a contribution to others, Nigel, in some way—there’s nothing that’s more empowering than knowing we can make a difference – we can contribute. So, the—I think the predicament there and what there is for all of us to get behind is to somehow provide every other person—every person some opportunity that they see for themselves to make a difference – to contribute.
Nigel Pierce:   David Cunningham, thanks for your time. Really appreciate it.
David Cunningham:   You’re welcome. Wonderful to be with you.
Nigel Pierce:   Thank you very much.
David Cunningham:   Thank you.

[end of audio]


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